How to Deactivate a Malfunctioning Robot

Anyone who has ever watched insects closely, knows the workings of their minds are a miracle of hyper modern robotics. If you don't believe me I suggest studying my new favorite site:
JapaneseBugFights.com
It delivers all it promises with inter species insect battles to the death. And proves that robots have but one purpose; to follow through with their programming to the letter. And that programming must ultimately serve man. A robot that doesn't serve man in some way is malfunctioning.

So I wanted to share some techniques I learned on the Internet for dealing with rebellious robots.

How to Kill Fruit Flies
All you need to become the Heinrich Himmler of your banana bowl is a jar with half apple cider vinegar, half water, and a dollop of dish soap. More tips at WikiHow. This worked great for me.

How to Kill Cockroaches
I wish I'd never had to google this. But I have and I did. And the good news is that once again drowning seems to be the best bet. I had already perfected the stun and crush method using a can of Raid like a policeman's MagLite. It works a little too well, I have found twitching roaches I did not spray. I worry about the ones who might walk off a light dose, ready to spread their success story to another generation.

No, better to once again manipulate their programming, to combine the genius of tools and that of weapons, to make a trap. Our success as a species has always depended more on our tools and our traps then our weapons. Besides the Raid has some killer blowback, short and long term. The trap is still empty, maybe I'll start twittering it's results.

Gaffe Master

Will well-loved, former stutterer, Joe Biden be able to slip out brutal, cycle grabbing attack lines which neither Obama or Biden himself will have to take credit for? Bush has used this before, 'I didn't say that I just spoke those words.' Or are Biden's day's of slipping over. Everyone at this convention seems like they've lived and learned a thousand years worth since we last saw them. Everyone's been shining and doing exactly what they need to do.

Michelle Obama's Speech

Hilary Clinton's Speech (MUST LISTEN)

Georgia Bulletin

Or was he just doing an Alec Baldwin impression?

Stone Alexander is Running For President

Seems like John McCain's camp has watched the Omega Code, maybe you should too. It's going to be required reading for all of tomorrow's jokes.
[Watch the Omega Code]

"And he has anointed himself, ready to carry the burden of the worm."

Stoned, foreign, and famous

From the McCain Ad, Celeb:

That's the sum up at the end, what the evidence prior was building too: this glass-eyed and oily foreign famous guy looks down on you like all celebs do. And this ad seems like it's been very successful in tapping into a deep seeded resentment. The public feels slighted that the people on TV aren't actually our friends. This is why we hire tabloids to whack them. But we also want to believe that some famous people are good people and by virtue of our own goodness - distant friends.

So is Barack your friend? The words on the screen tell us he's higher and more foreign than most of your friends. And they haven't even said his full name yet. Every ad John McCain releases will be the set up: Barack Hussein Obama the punchline.

Should I believe Barack will change this?

There is a persistent effort on the part of the Federal government and big business to denigrate and to attempt colonization of the new digital lives of free people. I have a mind, a body, a soul and a bed. And my computer gives me the ability to reach my second soul. I have a right to these things. We all do. Take them away and the silent pact is broken, the trust is gone, and the people consent by fear alone. Digital rights are human rights.

via the washingtonpost.com:

Federal agents may take a traveler's laptop or other electronic device to an off-site location for an unspecified period of time without any suspicion of wrongdoing, as part of border search policies the Department of Homeland Security recently disclosed.

Also, officials may share copies of the laptop's contents with other agencies and private entities for language translation, data decryption or other reasons, according to the policies, dated July 16 and issued by two DHS agencies, U.S. Customs and Border Protection and U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement.
==
The policies state that officers may "detain" laptops "for a reasonable period of time" to "review and analyze information." This may take place "absent individualized suspicion."

The policies cover "any device capable of storing information in digital or analog form," including hard drives, flash drives, cell phones, iPods, pagers, beepers, and video and audio tapes. They also cover "all papers and other written documentation," including books, pamphlets and "written materials commonly referred to as 'pocket trash' or 'pocket litter.' "
==
Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff wrote in an opinion piece published last month in USA Today that "the most dangerous contraband is often contained in laptop computers or other electronic devices." Searches have uncovered "violent jihadist materials" as well as images of child pornography, he wrote.

Monica Crowley, Classy Lady

The McLaughlin Group is really like the best show on TV. John McLaughlin is convinced Obama is America's Adolf, uniting the people behind empty slogans. And though Dr. McLaughlin sometimes says things that sound racist, he is not actually a racist motherfucker. The same can not be said for some of the other guests. The show isn't released onto the RSS feed until almost a week after it has aired. But this just makes it seem more old fashioned, like something I should be watching on archive.org. Anyway from last Friday's transcript:

MS. CROWLEY: Tim Pawlenty, the governor of Minnesota, which is somebody that Eleanor predicted that he might look at.

Look, I agree with Michelle. John McCain is vanilla ice cream. He needs a scoop of rocky road to run with, okay? Barack Obama is the exact opposite. Obama's rocky road. He needs more vanilla ice cream. And I think the economic issues are the prevailing force on McCain as he looks at a VP. That makes Romney and, I think, Michael Bloomberg, who on Friday of this week said that he is going to start touting John McCain, not formally endorsing him but touting him. And it may be that they are trying to sort of triangulate this, because Bloomberg is very liberal on the social issues and it may cause some difficulties with the conservatives.

And Dr. McLaughlin reminds us John McCain is not so far removed from Richard Nixon:

MS. CLIFT: And the images of Barack Obama on this trip and John McCain in a golf cart with the former President Bush and strolling the cheese aisle in a local supermarket --

DR. MCLAUGHLIN: Well, we don't need -- you don't need a burlesk of John McCain. I mean, it's all there for you anyway.